Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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