I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
