Non-Jews are for practice
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Sober January is a disaster.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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