so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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