i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
