We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
