rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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