i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
you made out with another girl for some wings
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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