Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize