Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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