She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
This is my gift to your gina
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Randomize
