I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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