I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
