but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
