I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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