We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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