I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
This show inspires me to have sex in space
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
