Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
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