Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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