One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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