is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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