A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
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