did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
