pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
