My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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