Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
