I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
