So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
