A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
