if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
