yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
