i wish starbucks made bloody marys
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
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Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
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I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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