if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
