I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
