We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
