Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
i need to put some appletini on your dick
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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