I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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