If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
