I puked a lego.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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