My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize