it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
