I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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