Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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