this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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