eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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