she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
