He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
