During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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