We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
