i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
