it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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