sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
