that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
