Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Randomize
