I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
