What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
