we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
