There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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