just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Randomize