You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You may now shotgun with the bride
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize