If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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