My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I didn't notice because vodka
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
