Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
