So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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