oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
