would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
