it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Randomize
